Have you ever been hurt by people who you trusted? Ever
find it easy to play a part and hard to be real? Maybe you can relate
to this song by Simon and Garfunkel?
“A winters day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.”
Many times when we’re
hurt we build walls to keep people out. We figure if we can keep
people out, then we can keep ourselves from being hurt again. Anything
to avoid pain, right? That was my case. Having suffered through my
parents divorce and being stabbed in the back by friends who swore
their loyalty to me, I came to the conclusion early on that people just
can’t be trusted.
I unknowingly built up walls to distance myself. The message I got
from my high school years was that I was on my own. I accepted that
and decided that if I was on my own, then I was going to live that way
and not let anyone in. Nobody was going to be able to hurt me anymore.
Well, that didn’t work either because as much as I didn’t want to
admit it to myself, PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE. God designed us for community.
“God said, It’s not good for man to be alone” Genesis 2:18. “Two are
better than one... If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But
pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!...” Ecclesiastes
4:9-12.
At the age of 17 I laid my life in God’s hands and allowed him to
shape me. As time went on I began to realize (slowly) that these walls
existed. Even though God rescued me from the kingdom of darkness, I
was (and still am) in a process of facing my fears and building real
relationships with people I trust with whom I can be vulnerable.
God used Nancy (my lovely bride) to help me see myself more
clearly. She is one of the biggest blessings I’ve ever known. Her
friendship has caused me to see how much I tend to pull away and
isolate myself. God used people to show me how much healing still lay
ahead of me.
Though it is quite scary at times, I’ve decided to be vulnerable.
It is then that God is my protector and fortress. No more being my
own protector. As David said in Psalm 25:1-2 “To you, O LORD, I lift
up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame.”
I’m letting God fight my battles for me. I’m trusting His sufficiency
to permeate my deep insecurities and fill my life with His love so that
I can live life to His fullest intention: in community.
It is then that I see the great beauty and wisdom in God’s plan to
use people in the lives of people. Simon and Garfunkel were wrong. No
man is an island. People need people. Have you cultivated the kind of
friendships that grant you the freedom to be vulnerable? Why not start
today?
“Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him
who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and
held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up
in love, as each part does it’s work.” Ephesians 4:15-16
